most enthusiastic

most enthusiastic is how a photographer once described me, as a subject in an underwater shot during my first polar bear swim on new year`s day.

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but what`s the opposite of that?

un-enthusiastic, I guess. or maybe bored. Which I can easily be that, too. impatient and conflicted. you bet. but how people see me and how i really feel doesn’t always connect. in poetry i spill over, my confusing thoughts mixed with tension of the times which i am observing. I am learning to be that which does not come naturally. Most people don’t believe me when I tell them i used to be shy. I know that they would not understand that i still feel like, deep, down, i still am. As i grew up i learned about expectations and masks. i pretended to be more outgoing until it became a personality i was more comfortable having. however, i know i can be both so i try to. sincere yet challenging, quiet and cunning. Loud yet thoughtful.